Jordan Rubio

Second title

Breaking into the Medical Industry Ain't Easy

Here is a cautionary tale for all you starry eyed medical school grads out there.

The Invention of the Food Truck

Guys, the amazing people at College Humor have put up another article of mine! I even heard that new mom Kim Kardashian has described it as “The single greatest thing that has ever happened to me. Ever.” Thank you very much!

College Math Problems

The very kind people of CollegeHumor have posted another article of mine. I hope you can this will bring joy to you and your families for generations to come.

A Letter About Our Restaurant Rating
Here is a thing I wrote that the kind people at CollegeHumor were nice enough to post.I hope anyone who sees it enjoys it.Thank you internet!

A Letter About Our Restaurant Rating

Here is a thing I wrote that the kind people at CollegeHumor were nice enough to post.I hope anyone who sees it enjoys it.Thank you internet!

By:Eric Stoker-Spirt and Jordan Rubio

By:Eric Stoker-Spirt and Jordan Rubio

One-Way Ticket

Wow, well you have done it this time. You have just earned yourself a one-way ticket to pain!

Yeah, and this is no ordinary ticket to pain, no, this ticket was very difficult to acquire!

I had to check many websites to book this particular ticket! In fact, I spent a good three hours scouring the Internet for this ticket! Do you have any idea how hard it is to book a one-way ticket to pain nowadays!

I mean, I must have checked every major travel site at least twice. It is all just full of round trip tickets to pain or tickets to pain in the winter only! Most tickets were sold out until next year! And I simply did not have that kind of time.

And don’t even get me started on all the viruses I must have gotten from my searching! I went to so many Japanese travel sites that you wouldn’t even believe existed! Some didn’t, and were actually just Japanese foot fetish porn sites. I went to so many illegal sites to book this ticket that the only way I can turn on my computer now is by imputing my credit card information! Do you have any idea what an inconvenience that is!

 

Once the internet stopped being an option, I had to take matters into my own hands and deal with actual travel agents! Only like two of those people even exist anymore! So, I had to meet with this woman from a travel agency (where I picked up yet another virus if you catch my drift) and she told me the best she could do was a one-way ticket to Bonerville. Yeah I know, Bonerville in the summer? What kind of idiot would book a ticket there during the off-season? But anyway, this method failed me as well!

But then, it hit me! A recycling bin hit me while I was taking a walk during the hurricane to prove that I was more powerful. Within that recycling bin I found the answer! A flyer stating that if you talk with an employee at the station you can get a one-way ticket at a raised price. And that is exactly what I did!

So, I hope you are ready to board the train!…Oh, you’re gone.

Crazy Dan’s Limo

Dear Mr. and Mrs. Romero,

                May I first just say that I am incredibly sorry about any inconveniences you experienced while renting out one of our Hummer limos. Here at Crazy Dan’s Hummer Limo service our number one priority is customer satisfaction, which is why I have taken it upon myself to issue a personal apology to you. First off, I want to say drunk driving is not taken lightly here at Crazy Dan’s, and when we find the driver from that night you can be sure we will be sure to take full disciplinary action against him. Second, we want to fully apologize for the state of the Hummer limo when it arrived at your home. But let me assure you that everything found in the limo was just a product of the previous renters absent-mindedness.  The two dead prostitutes and the copious amounts of semenwere all just forgotten goods. I am sure both of you have at some point forgotten your car keys or shopping bags in your vehicles and will completely understand the mishap. Now it has also been brought to my attention that there were complaints about the quality of the vehicle itself as well. Now I understand that while it may have seemed like the Limo’s engine was on fire I assure you that it is just an effect that we install into all our vehicles. We here at Crazy Dan’s want to ensure that when we say, “You will have the ride of your life!” that is exactly what happens. The fire is installed by only the finest pyrotechnic experts and the fumes inside the vehicle are purely for show and do not cause any harm to anyone who inhales them.* Finally, my deepest regards and condolences go out to your family for the loss of your only son. Now, with that being said, I believe it is unfair that you attempted to blame us for the death of your son. While I completely understand that his death occurred within the limo, who are we to say that his death was not fate. Now, I am a man who believes everything happens for a reason and I believe that when that stray handgun went off, it was a higher power that pulled the trigger. But hey, that’s just my philosophy. Anyway, I again want to sincerely apologize for all the inconveniences and I hope that this little mishap does not deter you from ever using our services again. Also included with this letter to show our deepest apologies to you is a coupon for a free large soda at the Bow-Tie Cinemas off the expressway, as well as a voucher to have Crazy Dan himself drive you anywhere you like in his personal Hummer Limo.

 

P.S.-Crazy Dan’s limo service does chauffer for a variety of events, including funerals.

Stay Cool!,

Crazy Dan.

*Disclaimer: Any renter diagnosed with lung cancer, emphysema, or severe asthma after riding in one of Crazy Dan’s fun time limos are prohibited from taking legal action against Crazy Dan or his associates as all riders agreed to facing these possible conditions in the renters contract.